Birthing From Within - class 1

Wow. What a class.

We showed up on Sunday afternoon, not knowing what to expect. I think we were both hopeful that the class wouldn't be like the ones we'd taken through VCU (Infant childcare, Newborn CPR, etc.) that were really condascending and patronizing.

We were pleasantly surprised.

The class has five couples in it. All five couples are first-time parents, which is nice. The class is run by two women, Kristen and Melissa, who are both doulas certified in the "Birthing From Within" philosophy (based on the book).

We spent the first hour or so sharing a little bit about ourselves and learning what the class is really going to be about. From the get go, I could feel people relaxing and getting comfortable as they learned that no one was ever going to be put on the spot to share, that partners were encouraged to be active participants, that the class was designed around whatever we wanted it to be.

Through a couple of surprisingly non-cheesy ice breakers, people started opening up about their fears/thoughts on labor/childbirth. It was great to hear some of the women voice concerns that I myself have and it was even better to hear the men share about the kind of partners they hope to be during childbirth.

We learned a breathing technique called "Following Your Breath." Instead of just practicing the breathing exercise and becoming very relaxed (which would be great but isn't practical), we practiced the exercise while squeezing a handful of ice for one minute, which is the average length of a contraction.

Obviously, contractions are going to hurt more than holding ice cubes. But the idea is to learn a little bit about how your body responds to pain and, more importantly, to the breathing techniques. Because what works for you might not work for me. So before we go into labor, I should have a pretty good idea of what breathing techniques will help me through contractions.

In fact, Brian and I decided to start a stack of index cards, each with some technique or thought that helped me with the ice exercises. When we're in labor (and he's anxious or overwhelmed), he can look at the index cards and remind me of what techniques worked for me in the class. Brilliant, right?

I felt so good after that class - so confident that we're going to be ready for labor when it happens. That confidence has faded a bit over the past few days - but I'm sure I'll get another dose at our next class, this Sunday. Can't wait!!

6 weeks to go...

Six weeks to go!

Brian and I went to Babies R Us tonight and got some of the necessities off our registry (baby wipes, bottles, bottle cleaners, bassinette sheets, outlet covers, etc.). We also got our "diaper champ" which is supposed to be an odorless diaper disposal system. We'll see about that one....I'm doubtful.

The house is cleaner than it's ever been - which we both attribute to my nesting instict kicking in. This weekend our goal is to work on the nursery, get the car seats installed, and do more laundry so the baby clothes are ready to go.

I'm huge and continuing to "pop." I get stared at in public but people have been pretty kind about not saying stupid things to me (except for this one guy - who told me that I MUST be having twins...). I'm still trying to walk 1.5 miles every other day or so and doing lots of stretching to help with the back pain (which I wouldn't wish on ANYONE). Our new mattress is great and makes sleeping easier but I'm still up several times a night with back pain or to pee.

Our birthing classes start this Sunday afternoon. I think I'll feel less nervous about the labor and delivery once I have learned a couple of breathing techniques.

All of the symptoms and fears are just a reminder though, that the big day is coming....and soon!

Here's the update on the baby's progress:

How your baby's growing: Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds and is probably almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which she'll need to regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her central nervous system is still maturing and her lungs are well developed by now. If you've been nervous about going into preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that 99 percent of babies this age can survive outside the womb — and most have no major long-term problems related to prematurity.

Big Ol' Update

It's been a while since I really posted how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, and generally where I'm at with the pregnancy and becoming a mom.

Now that we are only 7 weeks away from our due date, it's hard to focus on anything else!

Physically, I'm feeling more uncomfortable. My back is the main problem and some nights gets really, really painful. I'm really making an effort to do the things that will help soothe the discomfort; walking 1.5 miles every other day, stretching, doing pre-natal yoga, drinking lots of water, getting a massage every other week. But no matter what I do, the back pain isn't just going to go away. I'm pregnant and this is just part of the package.

Sleeping is fitful these days as well. I need lots of props and pillows to get comfortable. I'm up every couple of hours to pee and then have to get myself all resituated with the pillows before I can fall back asleep. I wake up on my back a lot which isn't good (for the baby's oxygen flow, it is recommended to sleep on your side - your left side if possible). I think my body wakes me up whenever I'm on my back to remind me to roll over. So I don't get a lot of uninterrupted sleep. Neither does Brian, poor guy, because I'm congested all the time which makes me snore terribly.

I also have a lot of round ligament pain. It's deep, deep in my joint, where my leg meets my hip. It burns whenever I have to lift my leg to tie my shoe (which I can't do anymore, so Brian has to do it for me), or go up stairs, or roll over in bed. Brian says I make terrible groaning noises in my sleep whenever I roll over. It doesn't surprise me, since every time I roll over, the pain wakes me up a little bit.

But the physical stuff is actually pretty manageable. I have bad days when I get really frustrated, especially with the back pain, but all in all, it's okay. The emotional stuff is the real challenge.

Maybe it's impeding parenthood, maybe it's hormones. But I just don't feel like myself. I'm really, really afraid of labor....which is surprising to me since I'm also really looking forward to it. I've never been in pain for a long period of time before and it's a terrifying thought. It's equally (if not more) terrifying to think of a situation where I'm not necessarily in control of what happens to my body. I have to work on this part - it's the fear that will intensify and amplify the pain. I believe that my body already knows how to give birth. I believe that if millions of women can do it, so can I. But there's this little voice down deep in my brain that says, "You can't do it. You're not strong enough." And that voice is terrifying.

So perhaps the answer is to stop indulging that voice and just meditate on thef act that I CAN do this - and I don't have to do it alone. I'll always have HP with me and I've never been steered astray when I turn things over to my Higher Power.

The other piece of my emotional landscape right now is that I'm weepy....all the time. Actually, that's not true. It's not ALL the time - but some days (like yesterday), anything can make me cry. ANYTHING. I heard a story on NPR the other day about dog fighting and nearly had to pull over because I was so upset by it. To my credit, dog fighting is a cruel institution and is, by nature, upsetting. But I. couldn't. stop. sobbing.

And yesterday, when one of the midwives was less than amiable, I was devastated and got weepy and panicked that our baby would possibly be brought into the world by someone so callus and perfunctory. Then I cried on and off all day whenever she came to mind.

I think it's all pretty normal. The hormones are raging. But I'm so used to being more even keel and having (or being able to get) perspective on situations rather quickly. So to be a little out of touch with reality and over the top emotionally is a strange place for me to be. I'm trying to embrace it but I just don't feel like myself.

I'm excited about the baby, of course. SO excited. But the fear and the daily roller coaster of emotions is a road block to being more excited, more of the time. And that's a bummer.

The nursery is a wreck, filled with big boxes of swings and strollers and bouncy seats and pack-n-plays. It feels like an insurmountable task to organize it all...but I know it will get done.

I want to write more (especially about making boundaries with the in-laws....huge!) but I have to go run an errand. More later...

You're not going to believe this.

CHECK. THIS. OUT.

Many people have seen my belly recently and they would tell you how round and smooth (and huge) it is.

So you can imagine my surprise when a few minutes ago, I felt a HUGE protruding lump on my belly. I swear to God, the baby was sticking her head (or her butt?) out for all to see.

I knew no one would believe me, so I had Brian run and get the camera. Below you’ll see proof.

The conclusion I’ve come to is that I’m having the “Alien” baby.

P.S. Ignore the horrible hair and no make up. I work from home and therefore get to look ugly all the time. Don’t hate the player….