8 Weeks To Go

I know that at some point, I'll look back on these lazy pregnant days longingly. Maybe you and I will sit down and read about what being pregnant was like by thumbing through the print outs of this blog. You'll see how eagerly anticipated you were....by everyone (but particularly by me!).

Right now though, being pregnant is getting a lot tougher. I'm increasibly uncomfortable and irritable. My back is really starting to bother me. I keep thinking that if I weren't overweight, my back wouldn't be hurting so much. Although this may be true, it's not a particularly self-loving thought, so I'm just trying to remember that I'm PREGNANT and that's a good enough reason for my back to be hurting.

When I do move around (take a walk, etc.) I feel good but then I get SO achy later on. I perpetually want to lay down - but then simultaneously hate the feeling that I'm not as mobile and don't have as much of a life as I want to have.

It's hot outside now - today is almost 90 degrees. And I think the heat alone could be the reason for my irritability. But, there's not much I can do in the way of controlling the weather.

The wonderful thing that's happening right now is that I'm feeling a real shift come over me. Instead of hypothesizing about what life will be like with a baby, I'm starting to be able to SEE and FEEL what having you finally be here will be like.

I have a larger-than-life urge to get the nursery ready. (It's a nesting instinct that happens to a lot of pregnant women when they hit 8+ months...) Your dad is helping me by carrying heavy boxes upstairs and by washing all of your newborn clothes so that they are clean and ready when you are ready to arrive into the world.

Your dad says that tyring to match newborn socks together (coming out of the dryer) is a very difficult thing to do. He worries that he won't get the hang of it, but I know he will.

We've ordered the dresser/changing table for your room and bought a little bookcase for your books and toys. I'm going to read and sing to you every day so you learn to love words and music.

We bought your car seat/stroller. It's not too girly and very light. You and I will have lots of fun taking walks together.

I'm getting my car detailed tomorrow morning so it's nice and clean when the car seat goes in. I also got the brakes checked today, just to make sure the car is SUPER safe for your first ride.

And you! You are moving and turning and kicking and dancing more than ever. You love it when I lie on my side and you've become increasingly responsive to your dad's voice. It's easy to see your kicks now. Every now and then, I can see your little foot when you really give a good kick.

I talk to you, especially when I'm in the nursery. But really, I like to think that I don't have to talk to you in order for you to hear me. Right now, we share the same vessel. So I imagine that you sense what I'm thinking. And if you have my intuition (which I'm pretty sure you do), you'll be able to sense lots of stuff about people, even after you're born.

Sometimes when I'm thinking about you (or sharing a though with you in my mind), you move around very suddenly as if to acknowledge that you've "heard" me. It's great. I feel like we have a private, sacred connection that no one knows about.

My maternity shirts are all dirty near the middle because I rub my belly so much.

I know that I'll always love you - but there are going to be times when we don't like each other much. You're going to wish you had a different mom - and I'm going to wish that being a mom wasn't so hard. But that's okay, it's totally normal.

I just hope that when those hard days come, I can look back to this time and remember how literally and spiritually connected we are right now. You may be my little girl, but right now you feel more like my soul mate.

I love you, little Sophie.