Ugh

Haven't actually gotten sick yet, but I'm wishing that I could. This nagging nausea is really no fun. I'm also more tired than I've ever been in my life. It takes every bit of strength to get up in the morning and I find myself wanting to crawl back into bed for the rest of the day.

Yesterday was my first day back at work/school since Thanksgiving. My school is in a medical park that is currently having its roof replaced. The tar pit that they are using is parked right outside the window of the classroom and the smell of hot tar has totally invaded the building. NOT what you want to smell when you are queasy. Five hours of that will make anyone lose their lunch.

Anyway, I learned a shiatsu tsubo point that helps with nausea....and it really helped me yesterday. I'll be hammering away at that point for the next few months, I'm sure. :)

I know Brian's focus is on being a dad, since he isn't pregnant. To be honest, though, my focus is really on making it through the next nine months. I'm earth-shatteringly terrified of going through labor. I totally freaked out a few mornings ago when I saw a woman in labor on the Discovery channel.....

I feel equal parts joy and sheer terror at the thought of being a parent. Khalil Gibran says that 'our children come through our homes, but don't come from us. They will be with us but they do not belong to us. We can give them our hopes, but not our thoughts because they arrive with their own hearts.' When I think about parenting like this - I get excited and I feel confident that I can create an environment that will be safe for my child to become the person they are meant to be.

It's when I think of specific parenting situations that I get freaked out. Like what do I do when my kid comes to me and says that they don't want to go to school because the kids on the bus make fun of them? What do I say when he/she doesn't make the soccer team, school play, Chamber Singers, cheerleading squad, etc.? Or what if they get caught doing drugs?

The list goes on and on.

It's also really easy to worry about money. I don't want to work but it would be difficult for us to pull that off without struggling financially. I don't get maternity leave with my company because I am a part-time employee right now. So any time I take off is unpaid (and unprotected).

I know that everything is going to work out exactly the way it should and that all of this will be taken care of. It's just so much to think about!!

First doctor's appointment is this afternoon - I may find out whether or not I'll need surgery. More on that later.